Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
