I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
