Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
