The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
