She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
50% drunk capacity currently
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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