It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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