he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
