she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
