I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
someone owes me an orgasm
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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