Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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