Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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