Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
