You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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