My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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