dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
