We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
