She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize