It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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