I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
