We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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