No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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