booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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