Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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