I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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