Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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