he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
