No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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