And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize