btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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