Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
