As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
