Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
