Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
