He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
