i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
