I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
