But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
