So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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