grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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