I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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