If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
