im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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