mondays should just be called national damage control day
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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