he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
