would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
