I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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