so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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