Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
