You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
