Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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