Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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