I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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