i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
