whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize