She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
