once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
