I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
