Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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