Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
God, you're like boner-b-gone
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Come on in and take your pants off
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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