very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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