she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
