Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
