Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
