I got chris browned last night
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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