I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
