i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
