He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
