Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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