it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
