we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
