There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
