You smell like stripper and shame
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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