fuck your aforementioned shoe
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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