he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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